Dear Friends and Family of W’s,
Many of you ask for help with what to, or not to, say to the grieving widow. It’s pretty easy in the initial period to find help on what not to say (please reference God has a plan; Everything happens for a reason; Some day you’ll realize this was a blessing; et al). But what about when a period of time has passed? You know, six months from now, a year from now, or three years from now? There’s not a lot of advice out there. What should you avoid saying?
Please write this one down. Under NO circumstances do you have the right to question what a W does with her wedding ring. None. Zip. Nada. Zero. I don’t care how many years it’s been.
I’ve been lucky and no one has talked about my rings to my face. I’m horrified at some of the things my fellow W’s are asked (or told).
When are you going to stop wearing your wedding ring?
It’s time to stop wearing your wedding ring.
Why are you still wearing your ring?
You’re taking off your ring already?
SERIOUSLY! None of these are okay to say! If you’ve already f’d up and said one, get down on your hands and knees this instant and start apologizing for being a judgemental ass. Assure her that you love her and would never knowingly add to her pain. A hug won’t hurt either.
Here’s the deal–it’s different for everyone. Some W’s will wear it for a year. Some will change out the stone but keep wearing the ring. Some will wear it forever. Some will stop wearing it immediately. Some will keep it for children or grandchildren. Some will sell it. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you support your W in whatever she decides.